Why I read the scriptures

My favorite people.

This is a topic that's caused a lot of pondering for me in the most recent 7 years. I don't have to wonder if the scriptures are true--scriptures being the Bible and a series of other books specifically canonized by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as scriptures (i.e Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price). But connecting with them and understanding their value in my day-to-day life has been really a challenge for me. In terms of learning practical application, I sometimes feel like I would be better off reading history books written in plain English that I could more easily learn from other's mistakes and apply them in my own life.

It's hard for me to understand the scriptures. Without deep study and interpretations clearly laid out for me by other scholars, I feel like there is a veil between me reading and my ability to get anything out of it. And the reality is that as a young mom, I might have at the most 30 minutes a day to read. Often it's more like 5 minutes. That amount of time doesn't translate into "deep study". So I get discouraged and this results in doing other things with my time that seem to provide greater benefit. But continue reading--this is not the end of my story.

In reflecting on how to study the scriptures, I have reasonably concluded that there are two main ways to study. One is primarily doctrinal based. The other is historically based. When studying for doctrine, I largely disregard things like timelines, specific characters, rigid order of events, etc. I try to look for doctrinal themes and only focus on principles which seem to stand out in various stories, etc. When studying for historical value, I try to emphasize specific timelines, simultaneous events happening in world history, cultural significance, specific roles different people or groups of people play etc. etc. When viewing scriptures from these two perspectives, I tend to get very different things out of what I'm reading. But sometimes I still feel flat when I'm done. And that's hard. But continue reading.

Enter conversation about a year ago with my brother-in-law. He is someone I love discussing the topic of scripture study with. He's equally as passionate about finding methods that work. I shared with him my frustrations--I'm taught constantly that reading the scriptures is THE KEY to spiritual living. Do it. Breathe it. Live it. Love it...well that's really hard for me because I'm not feeling what I think I should be even though I'm pretty sure I'm sincere about trying. I explain to him my two viewpoints for study. At this point, he introduces a third angle that shifts my perspective yet again.

Enter "relational perspective". It's taken me about the past year to understand more completely what this perspective implies, but I'm getting it. And it's helping. A lot.

Relational perspective is neither based fully on digesting doctrine or understanding historical significance. It's 100% about my relationship with Christ and how I'm feeling--good, bad, happy, sad, excited, grateful, hopeful, depressed, worried, overwhelmed, confused. Rather than reading to immediately learn and digest something that will benefit me in that moment (like scrolling through my social media feed and expecting the instant gratification), I take a long-term perspective. I view my act of reading, quieting my mind, and trying to be open to personal revelation as a token I am offering so that Christ will gently intervene and heal the worries on my mind. Help me find solutions. Introduce me to people in my day-to-day who might be able to help. Introduce new ideas into my mind. Endow me with an added dose of patience with my kids. My personal feelings at the time and whatever I read in the scriptures might seem as unrelated as a fish riding a bicycle. But it doesn't matter. It is the symbolic gesture of my willingness to submit and request the influence of my Maker to help improve my situation. This has proven to be the most successful approach to scripture study I have found.

Christ's intervention often won't happen right as I'm reading the scriptures. It's a much more ongoing process than that. But it comes at the most appropriate times. My scripture study opens my heart to greater faith, hope, patience, and ultimately an intimate exchange between my Savior and myself, recognizing that He understands my heart perfectly and is working to help me find peace. This has helped me a lot.

I do believe in scripture study, even if the words don't make sense at first or even after reading them 20x. I believe with time we can better understand the words contained therein. I believe Christ wants to help us resolve the private worries on our minds and hearts. Asking us to open up to Him is often done by willingly reading scripture. I'm grateful for this ongoing challenge I feel with scripture study because it's helping me personally gain testimony of why I do it.

A Personal Relationship with the Savior

Check out this video...

The topic here is the individual relationship I can have with Christ. I've realized that when I feel more centered with Him, I feel more centered with every other area of my life. I'm kinder, more confident, more forgiving of myself and others. On the flip side, I am curt with my husband when I don't personally feel connected with Christ. I'm more insecure and irritable. And I usually don't realize this until I say or do something to someone I care about that is hurtful.

A couple quotes from this video that stand out to me:

"No one can fall lower than the Light of Christ shines"...this resonates with me. When discouraged, sometimes I don't want to be found. It's easier to bask in my self-sulking. In a kind way, this tells me that Christ wants to be my friend. He wants to sit by me when I feel sad and remind me that I'm ok.

"We convert individuals, not congregations"...I love this! I mean more as an individual than anything else!

Final principle that stands out:

Engaging in certain activities will strengthen my personal relationship with Christ. For example, the sacrament. Look for something that draws my heart out...helps me feel humble...quiets my mind...these are the moments I will reflect on Him more and ultimately feel closer.

Happy Friday y'all.

How do I measure the meaningfulness of scripture study?

This is a daily question on my mind. We--me, you, anyone who participates in religious behaviors as a tool for spiritual well being--are taught to read the scriptures daily as a tool for nurturing our spirits. If I compare this to the physical body, what I eat on a daily basis to nurture my physical needs varies (although it should probably be much healthier than what it usually is). So, this means I should mindfully consider the spiritual food I need on a daily basis and, above all else, just make sure I am eating something...it's too easy to skip meals.

I think scripture study is a very personal topic, just like eating can be. People don't like at all to be forced to eat something they don't like. A health conscious individual likely knows what their body will best respond to, and therefore likes to choose options accordingly. For example, I know that I need protein in the mornings. I don't feel well most days when I eat a refined carbohydrate like cereal or toast.  At a minimum, I can plan on being hungry again within an hour or so.

The ultimate goal here is wellness. Physical wellness. Spiritual wellness. Emotional wellness. Food contributes to the physical and emotional. Expressing religiosity contributes to the spiritual and emotional. Emotional wellness reciprocates back to physical and spiritual wellness (i.e. When I feel poorly, I usually fail to eat well and stop nurturing my spirit at least temporarily).

So every morning when I wake up, I start to think about the first items on the agenda. Helping my son get dressed, eating breakfast, working out? And then the question unfailingly pops into my head, "Should I read my scriptures?" Sigh. My intentions are good. I want to nurture my spirit. But how do I measure the meaningfulness of scripture study to feel like my time is worth it?

When I sweat during a workout or am sore after, my time was worth it. I know how to make this happen.

When I feel full after eating a meal, my time was worth it. I also know how to make this happen.

When I feel uniquely uplifted, directed, and rejuvenated after scripture study, my time was worth it. I don't always know how to make this happen.

Sometimes scripture study is a great experience where I feel an increased measure of the Spirit and more encouraged about the direction of my day.  Other times I feel little to no difference after scripture study. Hmmm. Are my expectations too high? Did I miss the mark on something?  It can be difficult to stay committed to an activity if I don't feel any differently after completing. Especially when it's a private activity which is only noted or recorded typically by myself. And especially when I feel so capable at getting the results I set my mind on in various other activities.

Still though. I've had past experiences of great peace and connection to the Spirit, as a result of reading my scriptures. I've heard respectable others comment on the power they have felt from reading the scriptures. So, it must be a wrestle.

I watched a 20/20 episode a few years back about several different religions. Something I learned is that the one common thread between any religious faith is just that, the presence of faith. Regardless of the specific beliefs (and there were many), the presence of faith that they were believing in something meaningful was critical. Faith--meaning not instant gratification. Faith--meaning belief in something not seen with the eye. Faith--meaning a relationship with a Higher Power that exceeds the often confusing theological viewpoints stirring around and open for debate, and therefore maintains commitment to personal conviction.

Ultimately, I think scripture study can be difficult because measuring the meaningfulness is difficult. I don't always recognize an outcome on the very day I read or ponder a principle. And I like instant gratification. But knowing that faith is the most important principle to practice at any time, maybe it would make sense that a recommended daily activity would require an especially high dose of faith.

And so maybe the conclusion I am coming to, at least for now, is that meaningfulness is measured by commitment and belief. Believing that with time I will feel like a more capable, more connected, and a more doctrinally aware nurturer of my Spirit (is "doctrinally" even a word?). I may not see the benefits until I come into an unexpected or difficult personal experience that causes questioning and refinement. And suddenly I'll have more mental and emotional strength than the last time I experienced something difficult. Or maybe not. In which case I can reevaluate, all the while maintaining faith in the wrestle.

How do you measure the meaningfulness of scripture study or other acts of spiritual nourishment? I would love to hear how you juggle the wrestle, the commitment to faith, and the relentless desire for instant gratification we are surrounded by in every other area of each day. I believe this is so important.